scarletamoeba

I wish the death I feel inside, could come for me without causing you more pain I don't want the cold finality of this death that calls to me I don't want to live in afterlife eternity watching all the pain, hearing but unable to answer for the "why's?" I don't want to go but feel I cannot stay Over and over my life feels shattered every day

How could you know The trigger you pulled When you spoke of my negativity How could you know That it flipped the switch in me A switch I try to bury Under lock and key The one that releases The hate I feel for me The pain I shove away The loathing, fear and doubt Washes over me Why did I want so badly What I shouldn't be Why do I so blindly Fill my children with all my negativity I want them to be stronger Than I pretend to be I want them to be happier Than I could ever be When I look at my children All I want to see Is the beauty I've forgotten That does exist in me Instead I am reminded of The fear, hate and anger That I never wan

I fight you in my head To keep the peace outside You don't seem to hear The silent tears I cry The many times I've tried To get your understanding Action, notice, passion It all just falls upon the floor Like all my silent tears I will not give up Though I'm filled with fear Doubt I can't dispel I need your loving light to shine Save me from myself.